FlyersRights Airport Express Lanes Open for Business

                               
                Airlines and TSA Reach Agreement with Airline Consumer Organization

Napa, CA. 04/01/2009:  Kate Hanni, executive director of FlyersRights.org announced today that the airline consumer rights organization has reached an agreement with the Transportation Security Agency (TSA) and major U.S airlines that allows members of the organization to bypass security lines and airline gates, by driving their cars straight to their airplanes and having them unloaded by specially trained airline valets.

“All they have to do is show a special ID badge issued by the coalition”, said Ms. Hanni.  Recipients of the badge must be members of the FlyersRights organization which they can do by signing the organization’s website petition at www.flyersrights.org, and pass a strict security background check.  “After that, it’s clear sailing.  We even have valets that will park their cars after they unload their baggage at the cargo areas near the planes”, Ms Hanni added.

Unfortunately, FlyersRights.org can’t guarantee what will happen after their members get onto the plane, or that the plane will actually go anywhere.  “Congress has still not passed a law giving passengers the right to food, water, usable restrooms or the right to deplane after three hours”, said Ms. Hanni.  “But we are making the flying experience a little more enjoyable with this new agreement”.

Spokesperson for the Air Transport Association, Magnum PeeWee said, “We reached this agreement with FlyersRight.org to prevent their members from mixing with the rest of the flying population.”

Officials from the U.S. Department of Transportation brokered the unlikely alliance in exchange for  the coalition’s silence in regard to defective reporting of airline performance statistics.  “We’ve agreed to look the other way”, said Ms. Hanni.  “This is a sweet deal, and we’re available for any other quid pro quos that anyone else would like to offer .”